Ceremony log from September 12, 2021:
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional nor do I advocate for the use of psychedelics without a trained professional. I do not condone the use of illegal substances or illegal activities associated with the use of illegal substances.
Preparation
Mood Before Your Trip:
- Down, Discontent
My Intention:
To Grow.
I want to deal with myself and my interpretation of how others think of me or care about me. I have been feeling taken advantage of by my family and my partner and that’s me and not them. I want to come to terms and navigate how I can see through the filters I’ve constructed of how things should be and how others should treat me.
Dose:
- 8g
Integration:
Mood After Ceremony:
- Educated
Tomorrow I Will:
Start at ground fucking zero and make sure everything I do is not for my own egotistical, financial, or personal gain at the expense of someone else. I will actively and willingly participate in keeping my side of the street clean.
Integration & Journaling:
Journal Entry 1:
I was able to see that my intention for taking mushrooms was to understand why I was being treated or taken advantage of by those closest to me. What I was shown was that this was all a projection in my own head. It was my own issues dealing with reciprocation and an egotistical view that since I had changed everyone else should follow suit. They also showed me that I had expectations on others behavior and attachments to how I felt it should be. It was all me.
Journal Entry #2
I saw the meaning of life. I was able to look at myself truly as the witness peering at my defects not as ugly parts of who I am but as areas to improve and it allowed me to separate myself from my ego. This is a very important distinction. It’s not something that sinks in and just happens but I understand that I am not my ego now. It’s years of practice ahead but I believe I can relinquish a lot of the things in life that hold me back and move closer to a place of peace and contentment. It is my attachments that are the source of my suffering. It is 100% internal.
The vision I received which I believe to be the meaning of life is to experience deeply what it’s like to be me. All my defects, insecurities, world problems, experiences etc. I saw that when I died I left this shell behind and had a lifetime of experiences to carry into my next life on my road to enlightenment. Only after death do I realize the whole illusion of life was but to keep growing closer to god.
Journal Entry #3
Through one particularly difficult point during the ceremony I purged rather violently and broke out in a cold sweat. As I lay on the cool ground contemplating my next move I closed my eyes and far off in the distance I saw a single mushroom, pixelated and far off in the distance. As it approached closer hundreds, maybe thousands of mushrooms followed. As they approached closer and closer they began to join together and take form. They build a giant mushroom with a dissapointing look on what I can only conclude was it’s face. It stared at me from about 5 feet away and outstretched a small mushroom arm with it’s index finger shaking side to side at me. As quickly as it came it dissolved back into nothingness and disappeared.
It was in that moment I was reminded of a truth I must always follow. The plant medicine is here to teach, heal, and grow. Taken for any other purpose is not only irresponsible but can have very negative consequences to me and to others.
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