Psychedelics were integral in pushing me towards emotional sobriety. While I believe they played a role in recovering from alcohol abuse they did so through my emotions and not through any other mechanism that turned me off from alcohol as a substance.
Of all the tools in my tool box psychedelics were absolutely the sword that cut through all the bullshit in my head and forced me face to face with myself. The good, the bad, and the ugly. They allowed me to do what I had failed to do for so many years before them which was, let my guard down, become open to different possibilities, and to see for the first time with objective eyes the error in my ways.
Psychedelics Are A Miracle
No other prescription or OTC medicine I have ever taken has had such immediate and direct applications to my mental state and in almost every facet of my life. Instantaneous new ways of thinking were born from the experience and the breakthroughs were unexpected and numerous. It made me excited to integrate all of the teachings. I knew my world would be different from before taking psychedelics to after but I had no idea how much so.
I literally think differently. I don’t see myself as a victim anymore. I don’t see the world as dangerous. I see failures as learning opportunities. These were all born from a single slice of the psychedelic sword followed up by a lot (and I mean a lot) of therapy, integration, reflection, practice, and a dump truck full of honesty and humility.
The Sword. It’s Convenient.
Having a sword around is convenient. It really does the job in a short amount of time. If the sword worked to put me on the path of recovery why couldn’t it also help with the difficult career decision, get over a fight with my girlfriend, help me be creative, help me cure a resentment I have against my mother, or help me through a troubling conversation at work, etc. All of these start looking immediately like nails that only a hammer (or sword in this case) could fix. In fact, it may only be the sword which is right for any of these jobs.
See where I’m going?
I have the great fortune of being immersed in the psychedelic community where I live. I am a part of integration circles, recovery groups, enthusiast channels, even involving myself in investment firms to better understand how they’re dipping their toes into psychedelics pools. What I am starting to see is that while these plant medicines can be the cure they can also be the crutch.
The Crutch
Where’s the line for you? I know those that will seem to go on a ceremony every weekend talking about their deep insights and the host of trauma that’s being unearthed. I like to ask myself these questions…
- Is a week long enough to integrate the experiences of the previous week before stepping into a new journey?
- Am I self medicating or healing?
- Am I using them now to avoid something?
- Am I escaping something? (I struggle with this. I don’t know anytime I was able to effectively escape anything on psychedelics)
- Do I turn to them before any other tool as the first choice?
- Am I lying about my use to those close to me?
- Am I hiding anything?
- Am I finding excuses to use them?
These are just a few of the questions I stay brutally honest to myself about on a regular basis. Speaking strictly for recovery, I believe everyone has their own recovery path and no two need to be the same. I don’t feel it’s right of me to judge anyone else by how or what they do as part of their recovery. These are just some guidelines I use for myself.
In my own life I see psychedelics as sacred, to be used for when/if you need them but then there is the million dollar question…When do you need them? This is where my brain gets interesting. Let’s be honest, psychedelics are cool, they can be fun, they can be awe inspiring experiences and with that someone like me could want to do again and again. I don’t mean abuse the same as heroin or cocaine but they can start to look like the answer to all of life’s problems. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t take journeys like this every week anyways, but they do have a pull, just like any other substance (for me anyway).
So How Do I Do It?
I used them to jump start this journey of awakening I’ve been on for the better part of 2 years now. I have used them since in macro dose form (I should mention that micro-dosing is a separate subject to me and should be handled and talked about differently from macro-dose experiences) but in most cases 6 months apart from each other is about the cadence that I’ve hit.
I don’t go by a timeline of allowance, I don’t go by some sort of math equation that keeps me in check but I do prepare quite vigorously before any future ceremony which allows me to consider deeply my reasoning for using them, my integration path before and after, and my preparation leading up to it, etc.
This type of care allows me to ensure my motives are true and my intentions are appropriate and so that I will maximize not only the experience but my integration afterwards. I talk openly with my girlfriend and others close to me about what I’m doing. If you have a coach you’ve hired it’s important to have discussions with them as they can help verify the intentions and ensure they are pure. I find that keeping things hidden is a pretty clear indicator that you may be doing something you, yourself are not approving of.
Finally, I don’t use this sword as a crutch. I use it for exactly what it’s intended for and do not run to them to solve all of life’s problems. I believe you don’t need to be unearthing trauma to qualify to use psychedelics. I think they truly can improve the lives of well people and should be explored for spiritual exploration just as well as curing mental health problems but at the end of the day, we all know (Psychedelics were able to teach me about god in a way no other human to this day has been able to articulate). We all know whether we’re using our swords as crutches or not. Even when we pretend we don’t, we know.
I feel more and more as psychedelics make their way mainstream I wish to support and hold them high as the curative plant medicines people have used for thousands of years. I grow increasingly concerned of their eventual fall into the capitalistic ideals of the American instant fix mentality minus the deep integration work which is actually the cure.
Comments are closed.