Instant Gratification

This post is a little all over the place but the topic and the mission remain the same. Our world is getting bigger and smaller at the same time. We have access to more then we ever did but increasingly feel closed off from the world. The more we’re connected the farther we seem apart and there’s consequences to this if we, as human beings, don’t become aware of what’s actually happening. I start with alcohol because it’s most convincing and relatable. It’s also the most extreme of my examples.

Alcohol…It’s everywhere.

I drank for four main reason that all spawned from a need for instant gratification.

#1: For fun and to fit in

You can call it fun, lowering of inhibitions, letting your freak flag fly, etc. Whatever the reason it was under the guise of fun that I seek out instant gratification. It takes a lot of work to listen intently, understand where someone else is coming from or relate to another human being…especially in a social setting. I have always been plagued with insecurities with social settings. Always feeling like someone else is doing better than me, a crippling fear to walk up to a girl I was attracted to, dance at a bar or simply have a conversation with someone I didn’t know. Alcohol cured all of that in just a few drinks. The need to feel comfortable and have fun in my own skin was only attainable to me if I ingested my “fun juice”. That was what I learned and the thought of coming to terms with my growing insecurities or negative self worth was too much work when I could turn to booze and have it right then and there.

#2 It was expected of me

In almost every facet of my life, drinking was a main character. The agency where I worked built culture around drinking. Wine Wednesday’s were a weekly culture event we held. Client events were all out booze fests that encouraged camaraderie and relationship building through drinking. Weddings, funerals, dinner, shit, even at the movies drinks are encouraged now. Everywhere you look, it’s expected that drinking goes with the experience. Pick up a drink, be a part of popular culture, and get happier now.

#3 To Escape

Probably one of the most common reasons towards the end…I just wanted to disappear for a while. Forget all of my perceived problems and say fuck it all. There was nothing better for a quick getaway from reality. Unfortunately those tickets are expensive and after time traveling for a bit, all your problems are still there and now you have to manage them with a pounding headache and crippling anxiety. Good choice.

Now, escaping twice in a row? That’s also possible. When your eyes open after a bender and reality bitch slaps you in the face you can right back on the plane. Time travel for a few days and check back if everything went away. You can see where I’m going with this one.

#4 Self Medicating

Ironically, the first three reasons all result in depression and crippling anxiety for which my daily prozac regimen and 7 emergency atavan’s (a month) wouldn’t solve for. If you can believe the insanity of my disease was, I would turn to alcohol to solve the problems that alcohol had caused. When I say crippling anxiety, I’m talking trips to the ER because I believed I was having a heart attack. The self medicating for the self medicating I had just done was a scary place to be because now you’re between a rock and a hard place. You can’t stop drinking or you’re going to die and if you keep drinking, you’re gonna die. Now, what the fuck do I do now!?!?

Everything is everywhere

Now alcohol, which I have direct experience with, is an extreme example. I dive into it because in recovery I am looking for where else in my life I seek instant gratification and not surprisingly, it’s everywhere.

Here’s the thing. Not all instantly gratifying experiences are bad or we should steer clear of in my opinion. Some are actually great when done intentionally (think riding a roller coaster). Where it can and will become problematic is when that instantly gratifying experience becomes subconscious or part of your every day habit. Slowly those dopamine releases become less and less and you’re chasing the dragon.

Our modern world is literally built around instant gratification. In eCommerce the goal is literally to find the path to purchase for a customer in as few clicks as possible. How can you increasingly make the process easier and easier to appeal to your end users desire for instant gratification. There’s no part of our lives now that doesn’t include some sort of screen, app, game, etc…And we love it. We can’t get enough of it. How many hours did you spend on Instagram yesterday?

My concern personally with this isn’t that we’re forming these habits but what effects these habits are having on our brains. What is happening to our consciousness as we progressively plug in to the machine. How are our thoughts, decisions, values all shaped by what is flung in front of our faces all day long.

Your world starts to revolve around these screens. Here is an example out of my own life from just a year ago.

• 5:30am – 5:35am: Wake up and check notifications on phone
• 5:35am – 5:45am: Scroll through instagram and see what I missed overnight
• 5:45am-5:50am: Bathroom (switches to Facebook and light work emails)
• 5:50am-6:30am: Coffee and morning news on my 70″ tv
• 6:30am-7:00am: (NO SCREENS IN THE SHOWER)
• 7:00am – 4:00pm: Work in front of a screen – the entire time
• 4:00pm – 6:00pm: Gym and dinner (tv playing in the background of course)
• 6:00pm – 7:00pm: Dinner in front of the tv
• 7:00pm – 10:00pm: Watching TV and playing on my phone (dual screening)
• 10:00pm – 11:00pm: Bedtime with TV on
• 11:00pm – 5:30am: Sleeping (NO SCREENS)

That’s the majority of the day in front of some sort of screen. Much of that time didn’t have to be either. The excitement of that ever refreshing feed keeps me locked in and excited about what’s just one small swipe away.

Why do humans appeal to Instant Gratification?

I’m no biologist but I’d imagine that as we evolved human beings survived and thrived by finding shortcuts for daily life. Inventing tools, storing food, building shelters to protect from the elements. All of these were meant to make us ultimately survive longer. With every advancement we marched out of the forest and into our own artificial world where our desire for simplification and innovation hasn’t gone away but the need has become a bit perverted. We now have all of the basic necessities (and then some) to survive but we still yearn to make things easier and easier on us the smarter we get.

So, what can we do and why does it matter? In my own practice, becoming aware and removing these from my life has allowed more room for thought and an ability to perceive the world and myself much differently than when I was plugged in. It’s not only healthy but it’s necessary for us to reach our full potential. The problem is that it becomes harder and harder to avoid the more modern and technical our world gets. It takes conscious identification and a recognition of what changes from refraining from instant gratification in order to address it.

The interesting result I’ve found personally is that as I remove these from my life the less I miss them and the more I appreciate the world and those around me. The more I actually seek out healthy food, more exercise, meditation, nature, the more I want it and the less I care for those quick dopamine hits. I’ve found new interests that occupy my mind in a healthy way and promote creativity, self reflection, and self growth. Something about slowing down and enjoying the process more than the end result does something to you. An appreciation for life and an acceptance of life on life terms starts to become your mantra.

Here are two more examples. Give these both a try and see if you can get some results.

An interesting exercise to do with these both is to stop and ask yourself why you’re doing it. Is there anything else contributing outside of the addictive nature of it all? Are you avoiding doing something else, or dealing with something else you have going on? Are you escaping? Just think about it.

Food

Give up processed sugar for 30 days and keep natural sugar down to 32g or less (think fruit). Become aware of how you feel on a daily basis. Journal about it or keep note on a scale from 1-10 of how you feel. You will undoubtedly be cranky as your body withdrawals from the sugar but focus on how your brain is working, how your body feels overall, your energy. Focus less on that cranky monster on your shoulder telling you how bad you need sugar.

When you see the progess at the 30 day mark, just keep expanding it. You, by now, should have a noticeable change in your mood. Use that as motivation to attack other areas. Use the strength you’ve just gained from doing something you didn’t think you could do to push you further into other areas. Find the fun in testing yourself.

Social Apps

Not gonna lie, this one sucks. If you need a slow roll out of this one I recommend the following process. By the end of 30 days be off of your most used social media app and remain off for an additional 15 days.

Days 1 – 10: Do nothing but be conscious of every time you open up that favorite app. Literally just talk to yourself and say, I’m opening [enter app name here]. Just simply recognize consciously that you’re doing it.

Days 11 – 20: No personal posting and restrict one period of the day where you know you go right to your phone. First thing in the morning or in bed before going to sleep are two great times to institute this.

Days 21 – 30: Completely refrain from using the app at all. This is tough. Be mindful you are redistributing your time somewhere else in your phone to compensate. Our brains are real tricksters and will find loop holes without us even realizing it.

The Moral of the Story

We are all meant for so much more than to sit at home in front of our computers and then spend every waking moment in front of a screen, eating ourselves to death, or drinking to escape the prisons we’ve built for ourselves. I would speculate however that our constant drive for instant gratification builds walls around our world we don’t even realize are there. The more we indulge the smaller the room gets and we float through life thinking we have everything right there at our finger tips yet at the same time we’re light years away from life sitting right in front of us.

One of the most beneficial methods in my own practice has been the power of meditation. The calming down and introspection that comes out of the practice teaches you not only about yourself but about the world around you and your part in it all.

The spiritual community likes to call this a form of waking up and my eyes are open. I’ve realized that now after 40 years and a shit ton of work over the last year I can now see, for the first time, I have an opportunity to completely alter my sense of self and my place in this world in a positive way. Now, I don’t think giving up sugar for 30 days is going to lead to a spiritual awakening by any stretch. I went through hell and back in my alcoholism and that process along with some serious soul searching and personal inventory has led me on a higher path but what I am saying is that start to feel good. Start to pull back from what’s right in front of your face. Start to have restraint in a world where clicking the button is just so much easier and watch what cool things unfold.