10 years ago after a particularly bad bender I reached out to a friend who I knew was in Alcoholics Anonymous and could help talk me through how to get out of the predicament I had gotten myself into. After missing several days of work and feelings of shame, guilt, and depression were setting in, my friend Will came and picked me up. He took me to my first AA meeting and talked to me about why I was doing what I was doing. I was ready for help and I knew I needed it. I was 30 at the time.
I went to AA for a few months, never got a sponsor, didn’t read a page of the book but still liked that I was taking some sort of action. Unfortunately, that was not enough and ultimately, I was not ready. Will didn’t beg, plead, or try to convince me of anything. He let it go knowing he had at least planted the seed. He knew something I didn’t. He knew that if I were to get sober, it was going to have to be me that decides it.
That seed took 10 years of punishment, denial, and shame for me to finally raise my hand for what I hope is the last time. Will planted that seed and it took 10 years to sprout. As sure as he was 10 years ago, connecting with him now was the same. He was consistent for all of those years and when I was ready, there he was. To see me grow from an alcoholic to an alcoholic in recovery gives him as much joy as it does to me.
Literally How To Plant A Seed
Below are the ten steps on how to plant a seed. Literally…this list came from Natria.com on how to plant a seed and grow it. If you’re interested in how to plant physical seeds feel free to visit this link for all the details. This post is a bit different but the principles are all the same.
“Planting The Seed” is just laying the groundwork for something to develop or expand in the future. You can plant seeds in all aspects of your life but this post is about planting seeds of love, hope, and gratitude. If it’s Planting a recovery seed, it’s simply saying, you don’t have to be alone in this. There is help.
What I’m learning and really starting to see is that no matter whether you see those seeds turn into trees or not, that is not the goal. The goal is to plant as many seeds as possible and forget about seeing that tree grow. A Johnny Appleseed of recovery if you will.
If you plant enough, before you know it, before you even realize, you’re surrounded by giant red woods of love who are grateful for you as much as you are grateful for each and everyone one of them.
The ten steps are my interpretation of how physically planting seeds easily translates to a daily practice that will bring you incredibly rewarding fruits the more you practice it. Here are my own rules around it.
1. Choose a container.
The container is another human being. Literally any human being in need of help. The container does not need to be a relative. It doesn’t need to be a friend. It can be anyone anywhere and we all come in different sized containers so the shape is irrelevant.
A few examples:
- The guy who cut you off
- The coworker going through a hard time
- The 711 attendant
- Police Officer
- Homeless person
- Anyone.
Be kind and greet them with love.
2. Start with quality soil.
This is the content of your character. Planting a seed is not some profound advice that knocks the other person on their ass. It’s a genuine smile to a stranger. It’s holding the door for an elder. It’s going out of your way to help someone in need without any benefit to you.
3. Plant at the proper depth.
Know your audience. Plant the seed where and when it needs to be planted. If your desire to plant a seed supersedes the purpose or it’s self benefitting; you’re not planting at the right depth and that seed ain’t gonna grow. A tree does not grow simply by your will alone.
4. Water wisely.
A red wood does not grow faster the more water you dump on it. It grows exactly how it should and in the time that it needs. Continuing to push someone in a direction you feel they should go does nothing and in many cases will kill that seed you thought you were planting.
5. Maintain consistent moisture.
Listen. Sometimes doing nothing but listening and letting that water sink in and marinate is all that’s needed. A check in with a friend, a repeated hello to the guy at 711, a piece of fruit given to the homeless person you see on your daily walk is all that you need to do to keep that water moist. You don’t have all the answers and no one wants to hear them. Just listen and offer guidance when asked.
6. Keep soil warm.
Seeds don’t sprout when you want them to, they sprout when they’re ready. If you’ve said your piece or lent a hand and you aren’t seeing the fruits of your good nature, let it go. Becoming resentful, angry, confused as to why the other person hasn’t magically accepted your advice, changed, or returned the favor is the quickest way to freeze the soil and contradict the good act you did. Remember that this is as much for you as it is for the other person. I get as much out of helping someone as when I’m being helped. Let go of the need for reciprocation and just keep on planting.
7. Fertilize.
The best way, in this analogy, to fertilize is to be empathetic in your view point of others. Be consistent. A big part of my own self-realization is a repeated effort on consistency in attitude, outlook, and treatment of others. When you realize that not every seed was made the same, the soil they grew up in, the environment around the soil, all contributing factors to the persona someone projects. Knowing that and rising above it is the best way to keep the soil warm.
8. Give seedlings enough light.
You can’t have light without dark. Morning comes only after the night has finished. The two are connected and one does not exist without the other. Remember that in life you can squash someone with your light. Give people space, let them find their own way, be there when they need you but not when they don’t. Too much light and you’ll stifle the chances of growth. Help someone, but don’t over commit. Everyone has the right to make their own choices in life and knowing that not everyone is going to choose the perfect path is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to just keep planting seeds of love, hope and gratitude as often as you can regardless of what grows out of it.
9. Circulate the air.
Move. Do. Change. Be the difference you want to see in the world and your actions will move across others like a warm summer breeze. Do good things for good things sake. Don’t be on stage, don’t have to be the star of the show, humbly move about the world breathing love into those seeds and even though the air (you) is invisible people know you’re there and can feel your presence.
10. Harden off seedlings before transplanting outdoors.
When those first sprouts emerge from the soil and begin to engage you, you can now help move the seedling from it’s container and open it up to endless space and possibiilities. We’re all stuck inside of our own containers and only we can get out. It’s scary moving from a place of comfort, security and warmth that is all of our containers and enter the vast expanse of the world with all it’s trappings and dangers. When someone raises their hand and is ready, you’ll be there.
The Moral Of The Story
I may have overdone it with the analogy but the moral remains the same. Show the fuck up for people. Do things you’d never do to lift someone up every single day. Put seeds of love, hope, gratitude into the world and watch as slowly it all starts coming back to you. The more seeds you plant, the more consistent you are, the better your intentions the more your own life will blossom and grow.
It will rain, it will pour, bad things WILL happen. Not every tree makes it and not everyone will choose to be nurtured and grow. This is not your fault, it is not your responsibility. Storms are going to happen in your own life and while these can bring the best of us down know that in your time of need you’ll have a plethora of red woods in varying stages of development to surround you, protect you from the elements, and support you in their branches.
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